Obligation factors heavily in our life. Our family and friends are at the top of the list, but that baseline extends throughout our many relationships at RSM, Uptown VFW and Arcana Masonic Lodge. When we decided on how we would show up in this new life of ours, the schedule was designed to give us equal time on specific days, so we could meet those obligations without missing a beat.
Splitting our time at work was fairly easy to accomplish despite all of the legal identifiers being in my name. We could update our email signatures as needed or change the profile image. Last week, we learned that we could change our preferred display name to J. E. Miller, which also helps people not automatically think “Jason” when interacting with Jessica via Teams. Today, I found out IT changed our email address to no longer reference my name, without needing to ask by the way, so moving forward at work we will each be able to fully own the days we’re driving. RSM truly embodies their stated intent of fostering a culture of inclusion.
I’ve been a member of James Ballantine VFW Post #246 since 2017, serving as the Adjutant under three different commanders for the last five years. I told our current commander that I was burned out and asked him to find a new Adjutant, not an easy task given the duties involved. With our member meetings falling on Tuesday, that became one of Jessie’s days since she’s taking over all veteran-related activities. At our June meeting, she showed up unannounced and took our place at the table, ready to take notes of everything that occurred. The commander was relieved to find that she was excited to continue in the role.
A couple weeks later, she came out at our Military Order of the Cootie meeting where I had been serving as Blanket Bum, second in command and ready to lead the pup tent next year. We were very nervous for that one as our comrades skew much older, whiter and male than the country as a whole. Despite our fears, their response couldn’t have been more accepting and positive. When she volunteered to step aside in favor of the third in command and a woman in her mid-30s, our comrades shot that idea down and enthusiastically endorsed Jessie taking over as Seam Squirrel as originally planned for me.
Nothing really changed as it relates to my duties as a Master Mason, but I did share our situation with my brothers early on, and they were here for it without hesitation. As an exclusively male fraternity, I will continue to handle all mason-related activities, both in the lodge and in the community. When I volunteered for an event that would have normally been a Jessie day, she simply stepped aside for a couple hours to accommodate the need. When our kid’s birthday party fell on her day, she simply attended wearing “Jason Camouflage” as Ollie calls it and enjoyed the event just the same.
The bravery with which she entered the world still amazes me. The courage to stand and be seen and take the stares without flinching. No doubt my 54 years as a cis white male helped, but privilege only goes so far when it comes to leaving the mainstream and joining forces with those people most marginalized by society. I’ve long been an ally and advocate for our community, many of my closest friends have been living that life for decades, but finding ourselves this far beyond the bounds of where we started came as a total surprise. Given the reception so far by most everyone involved, our faith on leaning in was justified.
Can’t wait to see what Jessica does next!
