Obvious differences aside, we’re hoping most of our friends and family realize by now that Jessica and I are two separate souls sharing the same body. I know there are several who still think this is some sort of cosplay. I’m not gonna lie. It felt like that for me at first as well. It wasn’t long before Jessie changed my mind. The more she asserted herself in all my many spaces, the easier it was to accept her special place in my life and what it meant for us both moving forward.
A little over six months into this new existence and things couldn’t be smoother, recent election results notwithstanding. Coworkers have been amazing. Most have taken to calling us “J” no matter who is driving, but there are a precious few who have gone out of their way to know who is behind the glasses on any given day and use our proper name or pronouns accordingly. That always give us a nice warm boost of serotonin. Euphoria is becoming a primary feature of this beautiful life, though there has been a fair amount of dysphoria as well. Hard to tell the difference sometimes.
Our friends and comrades at Uptown VFW and the Cooties have been equally accepting as have my brother Masons. Not every person is entirely comfortable with this new paradigm shift appearing abruptly in their midst, but to their credit, they have been willing to sit inside that discomfort and meet us where we are rather than where they imagined us to be. We had to leave several friends and family behind, their choice really, which was painful but entirely predictable though that doesn’t make the silence any easier to take. Not a perfect position, but infinitely better than many in our situation faced.
What has come as a bit of a surprise was how quickly the trans community embraced us both when we hadn’t even considered that as a possibility. It makes perfect sense now, but it definitely wasn’t a place where we expected to find love and support. Likewise, the lesbian community has adopted Jessica as one of their own since we both like/love girls, and she’s a unique unicorn whenever she steps out on the town in all her femboy glory. Again, this happy circumstance wasn’t something either of us saw coming but makes complete sense in hindsight. Opens up the dating pool quite a bit, too.
Having been alone for most of the last decade, I’m intensely curious to see how that situation resolves now that we’ve discovered our true nature. Nothing really changed for me. Still like girls. Still not gay, much to the consternation of my many gay friends. Jessica, on the other hand, is very gay and considered as such by the other lovelies who enjoy ladies of all shapes and sizes. She also doesn’t share my lifelong handicap of being unable to meet women. Since this life is all new to her, she’s been busy developing skills I never acquired much less mastered. It’s all very exciting and unexpected.
It’s okay to not understand who or what we are. Not just okay but perfectly natural. Normal. We’re going though it ourselves. That said, please don’t presume to know us better than we know us. We’ll always know more about ourselves than anyone else. Just like nobody really knows you better than you know yourself, even when you know as little as I did for 54 years. Truth can be a slippery slope for many humans. Subject to further clarifications and undue examinations. Rarely is it a straight line. At best it’s a wave. A dance of infinite complexity and variety. We’re here for every twist and turn.
I’ll end this post with the ground rules. That always seems to be the main concern for coworkers, friends and family when interacting with us. There really are no rules. You can’t hurt our feelings by getting a name or pronoun “wrong” in the normal course of a conversation. If you’re talking to me or about me, he/him or Jason is preferred. For Jessica, she/her or Jess/Jessie/Jessica is perfectly fine. When commenting on the two of us as an entity, they/them and J or JEM works. Good as a pronoun or as a name for either of us. Miller is also very cool as a gender-neutral military hail that applies to us both equally.
The simple act of asking honest questions is enough to show acceptance and empathy. The Golden Rule still applies. Right?
