Over five years ago, I embarked upon an another epic quest asking difficult questions about a very different set of circumstances. What Next? tried to make sense of a murky path I never planned for but still had to walk. I was confused. Uncertain. Afraid. Subtle difference in grammar but […]
Vol 3 – The Master
29 posts
Our last remaining challenge as we close out this transformative year is helping folks understand we aren’t the same person despite sharing the same body. The same history. Now it’s time to tell my story. Her story. The bulk of this blog has focused on Jason’s journey from there to […]
Obvious differences aside, we’re hoping most of our friends and family realize by now that Jessica and I are two separate souls sharing the same body. I know there are several who still think this is some sort of cosplay. I’m not gonna lie. It felt like that for me […]
On the day of our birth at Anchorage Presbyterian Hospital in 1970, a single data point ensured we’d “never” face the debilitating impacts of gender dysphoria. I was the one in charge of the boy’s body we’d found on arrival. If Jessie had been driving instead, I suspect we would […]
Our life has gotten infinitely more complex since Jason first wrote about his hope for finding a new partner at the end of 2019 and then again earlier this year. He welcomed me into his life a few months later and that hope vanished into the distance while at the […]
Obnoxious and aggressive men avoid me like the plague. I know they are out there. They target our trans sisters and other women daily with varying degrees of icky behavior and quite often sexual assault. Women keep a laundry list of defensive techniques to be deployed at a moment’s notice […]
Observing Jessie take her place in my life and the wider world beyond has been a whirlwind of emotion. Chief among them is pride. She’s been fearless. Focused on the future. Firm in her belief that whatever challenges came our way could be overcome with quiet resolve and a ready […]
Our path out was significantly brighter than the dark alleys many of our trans brothers and sisters had to walk. We lived 54-years as the poster boy for cis white male privilege in America. Failing upward at every wayward turn of bad luck or bad decisions. Jason never missed an […]
Once it was decided that we would travel to Louisville, Kentucky, to represent Gopher Pup Tent 2 and the Minnesota Grand at the Military Order of the Cootie’s Supreme Scratch, it didn’t take long for the nerves to set in. Draped around our shoulders like a shroud of doubt and […]
Out in the world and moving freely in our new skin, naturally people had questions to which we mostly didn’t have answers. It was all quite new to us as well. Literally writing the script while directing the movie and releasing it to theaters and meeting the press as the […]
Obligation factors heavily in our life. Our family and friends are at the top of the list, but that baseline extends throughout our many relationships at RSM, Uptown VFW and Arcana Masonic Lodge. When we decided on how we would show up in this new life of ours, the schedule […]
Our introduction to the world couldn’t have gone smoother. Granted, I paved the way by leaning in on the skinny jeans and patent leather hot pink Dr. Martens, painted nails and a fuck the world if they don’t like it attitude. We call that me Aggressively Nonbinary Jason and still […]
Outright dismissal and disrespect were to be expected. We’ve actually been pleasantly surprised by the lack of obvious hostility or potential violence. One of the many advantages to embarking on this path having worn the guise of a cis white male for 54-years. What did catch us off-guard were the […]
Over the last several months, Jason has been aggressively preparing his world for my arrival. Our arrival. There’s literally no limit on what we can be since we discovered and integrated the truth of who we are and what we’re here to do at this time and in this place. […]
On Saturday, May 25, I took my first deliberate steps into existence. One of Jason’s oldest friends in Minneapolis was there to guide me through the daunting process of turning a they into a she. Claiming my place with power and purpose. I couldn’t have picked a better role model […]
Ollie made me a daddy at the ripe old age of forty-four. Almost ten years later, they again transformed me into an us, but in a way I’d never anticipated and am only beginning to truly understand. I suppose we shouldn’t have been surprised. Our life has been absolutely chockfull […]
One thing I didn’t consider when I started this journey was how it would force me to look at my past through an entirely different lens. My dad was a broken man on many levels. He was brilliant and creative and giving while also being a supreme narcissist and unrepentant […]
Objectively speaking, many of the folks in the LGBTQ2+ community are gorgeous, both inside and out. They are smart and funny and real in ways I rarely saw in my previous life. I saw a whole lot of ugly over the years, but precious few moments of unadulterated beauty. Effortless […]
Over the years there have been hints. Allegations. Things better left unsaid. Negative comments about my appearance or my sensitivity. My penchant for female friends. My lack of a love life. My social awkwardness. The constant bullying. The subtle and not-so-subtle sense from most everyone around me that they considered […]
Oblivious is a kind way to describe my blindness up until now. I never realized just how much subtle and not-so-subtle shade gets thrown at members of my community. Motherfuckers giggle behind their hands, stare with impunity and point without shame. Not even half an ounce of trying to hide […]
On July 20, 1923, Alice Paul convened the National Woman’s Party in Seneca Falls, New York, to celebrate the ratification of the Nineteenth Amendment to the Constitution, securing women the right to vote. Paul told the excited throng that a campaign for a new amendment to guarantee legal equality for […]
Other than my mom and a handful of trusted friends and mentors, I’ve had precious few positive influences. I discussed the negative impacts toxic males had for me, so it is only fitting that I spend some time on the women who instinctively recognized my divine feminine, lying dormant and […]
Of course, any examination of who I’m becoming must start with who I’ve been for most of my life without the gentle influence of my female half. The world I grew up in was very different from the one we’re building today. As bad as things still are for many […]
On November 11 of last year, I attained the third degree of Freemasonry at Arcana Lodge in northeast Minneapolis and was given the honor of becoming a Master Mason, taking my place among a long and storied group of Brothers who have stood firm at the most important moments in […]
Over the last several weeks, I’ve examined my nonbinary human identity and decided what it means to me. Mostly, it’s been an exercise in defining my female half after 54 years of denying her existence. I can’t explain it, but the name Jessica immediately came to mind and felt instantly […]
Observing pieces of my childhood through the eyes of a father is a brutal experience. Even with all I’ve shared on this site, most of my stories remain untold. Plenty of material left for future creative efforts. In the meantime, I’m digging deep for this final installment. Looking for all […]
Obvious privileges aside, my life hasn’t always been this easy. Much of that controlled chaos and karmic debt was self-created and self-inflicted, of course, but the trespasses and tribulations I faced for simply being me were undeserved and uninvited. What I didn’t realize at the time was I’m a nonbinary […]
One subject I’m happy to revisit as much as it takes to put it permanently in the grave is my temper. I’ve made serious strides since I dug into this last time, but it remains a work in progress. While there are a couple places I still need to address, […]
Over five years ago, I set out on a path of intense self-reflection in an effort to become a better dad. I was between jobs at that point, and as I often did in such times, I leaned into my writing as my only way out. I’d been sitting on […]