Outright dismissal and disrespect were to be expected. We’ve actually been pleasantly surprised by the lack of obvious hostility or potential violence. One of the many advantages to embarking on this path having worn the guise of a cis white male for 54-years. What did catch us off-guard were the less obvious microaggressions and slights. The flashes of disgust in the eyes of people we once considered friends. I’ve had experience with such things. Jessie has not. She took each and every one like a gut punch. My girl held her ground like the champ she is but had to make a couple fast retreats to keep from coming apart. Fortunately, those were isolated incidents and not representative of our reception overall.
What remains true for many in our community, though, is the exact opposite experience. Especially for our trans brothers and sisters negotiating hostile waters around the world. Dirty looks and whispered jokes are by far the least of their worries. When they leave the house, they literally fear for their lives. Some from government authorities depending on which country they live in. Some from any one of the dozens of strangers they encounter on the way to their destination. We are lucky to have avoided that fear thus far, but we won’t always be operating in queer-friendly Minneapolis.
We head to Louisville, Kentucky, at the end of July to attend the Supreme Scratch for the Military Order of the Cootie, where Jessie will represent our local pup tent along with a couple of our comrades. When she came out to them this past Tuesday at our monthly scratch, they couldn’t have been more welcoming and supportive of Jessie taking over all my duties, including assuming the role of Seam Squirrel for the unit next year. We’ll be traveling as Aggressively Nonbinary Jason, but it will be all Jessie for most of the visit, and she will likely face a much more hostile view of the world than she has so far.
That being the case, we’ll be switching into a purely defensive posture. She’ll be safe enough within the confines of the convention hall amongst fellow Cooties, though some of them are sure to be less friendly than our local nits have been. We have realistic expectations given the fact that Cooties come from every corner of the nation. These are just the first, fumbling steps on a very long path of helping transform an organization that skews much older and whiter and male than the Unites States as a whole. Many are politically conservative as well. It won’t be easy to change hearts and minds by way of calm and consistent exposure.
In the meantime, we will continue to leverage our power and privilege to push the envelope as far as we can. We will continue to advocate on behalf of our community and move into a more activist posture. As an individual with two very separate and unique souls, being able to have two legal identities as well would be amazing. When we first began this journey, Facebook allowed us to change our profile name in addition to our image depending on who was driving. That feature was removed recently, so we are stuck as Jason Everett Miller for the next sixty days, but starting a new profile wouldn’t be an improvement and is unfair besides.
These are but two small ways that would let people like us be free to fully realize their true identities. If it was easier to live this life, perhaps more people would understand who they are and embrace it. We’ve never had the chance to meet anyone quite like us before. We remain hopeful we’ll make connections among the indigenous Two Spirit community and discover ways to exist we can’t even imagine right now. Until that day arrives, however, we’ll just make it up as we go and damn the torpedoes. Full speed ahead!
