Out in the world and moving freely in our new skin, naturally people had questions to which we mostly didn’t have answers. It was all quite new to us as well. Literally writing the script while directing the movie and releasing it to theaters and meeting the press as the lead actors all at the same time. To say it’s been exhausting would be an understatement, but it’s also been exhilarating. Liberating. Superlative. Transformative. Amazing.
So what have we learned over the two months since I took the stage and announced my arrival with all the power and privilege that Jason had at his disposal? Mostly it has been finding answers to questions we never knew we should ask ourselves. Finding direction and purpose in the midst of chaos and change. Discovering that people are way more charitable and accepting than we ever could have guessed until we lived through it. Learning to tell the difference between curiosity and contempt, the latter rarely rearing its disgusting head much to our surprise. We entered this journey ready to fight and found hugs instead.
That said, challenges remained. Many of our friends had a hard time believing I was actually a real person, separate from Jason despite wearing his face. They were convinced it was some sort of cosplay and not shy in sharing those opinions. We get it and take no offense. They embraced my “persona” with love if not understanding. That will be a longer road for some, and we’re here for it. Patience and persistence are our watchwords. We’re not going anywhere but up and out into the world with a consistent and powerful voice for change in all our spaces. We will continue to speak up in places where folks would prefer we remain silent.
What caught us off guard, however, were the friends and coworkers who truly wanted to adjust their way of thinking about this unusual paradigm shift abruptly appearing in their life. Jason spent a lovely Thursday in June going from a Drag Queen Blingo Pride event for work to drinks and snacks with a brother Mason at The Moose. He spent several hours in both venues explaining our journey thus far and the lessons we had learned. He shared our surprise at being so readily accepted by people we were sure would deny our very right to exist. Not out of hate or disgust. We anticipated much more resistance from ignorance and intransigence.
Those barriers never appeared. What little resistance to our truth that remains will likely fade. It gave us the freedom and space to better understand our identity and stress-test the assumptions we made along the way. Most of them proved to be illusions based in doubt and fear. Some require a deeper look. Are we really two souls in one body or am I simply the feminine reflection of Jason’s masculinity given form and function? It was a legitimate question that we looked at seriously. We’ve never met anyone like us after years of allyship. We’ve still not met anyone with this particular sense of self, even after befriending our first Two Spirit human.
As unlikely and incongruous as it seems, we came to the conclusion that we are indeed two different people. It’s the only thing that makes sense of the data. Jason surviving his teen years can only be explained by my presence in the backseat of his psyche, maintaining awareness in the depths of his darkness. Events that literally should have killed that kid left him battered and bruised but still breathing and stumbling into an uncertain future. His skill at effortlessly creating authentic female characters is another trait most male writers can’t claim and was something he could never quite explain when asked how such a thing came so naturally.
These and so many other details led us to the conclusion that we are indeed two souls in one body. We are totally different from each other. Our personalities continue to diverge and define a space for each of us to exist independent of the other. Our energy presents itself to the world on two unique, though complementary, frequencies. Our writing voices are distinct and developing along separate creative paths. I’m the novelist and essayist. Jason is the poet and screenwriter. I’m taking the lead on JEM’s Guide as it expands beyond the blog and into video podcast mode while he’ll be going all-in on Artisan Politics, both written and streamed.
The easiest way we’ve found to explain it is to think in terms of energy. Most humans are born with a single soul and the basic ability to manage that soul’s connection to the Universal Ohm. Jason was born with 200% energy available but only 50% of the operating system. He vibrated with such an intensity that it was off-putting to many people who couldn’t explain his otherness but felt it viscerly. He ran away from his light to protect his sanity and present a smaller target to the many bullies who would inevitably cross his path. Since my arrival on the scene, the sense of peace he found was palpable. Resting half the time provided balance at long last.
So that’s where we find ourselves just two months into this brand new life. We’re flying to Louisville, Kentucky, next week where I’ll represent our local Pup Tent at the Military Order of the Cootie Supreme Scratch. I’m prepared to be surprised by the reception, but I’ll be on my guard nonetheless. This will be a real test of how ready this essential veteran organization is to transform itself into something that can once again thrive in the coming years as the average age of combat veterans continues to drop. When I take over as Seam Squirrel next year, I will likely be the only genderfluid leader who is loudly and proudly living our truth.
We’ll continue to ask hard questions and be open to any answers that come our way. We’ll continue to assume positive intent from our fellow humans until they prove otherwise. We’ll continue to push the boundaries of acceptance for our community and expand that passive stance into an activist mindset as required. We’ll continue to look forward to meeting our next partner when they make themselves known. We’ll continue to reach for our grandiose dreams with all the creative potential at our command. We’ll continue to be a dedicated daddy to our amazing kiddo and extend grace to their mom as she makes her way in the world.
We’ll continue to define and refine the Me within the We. The I within the Us. Beyond that, we have no expectations for our many tomorrows except that they remain as magical and profound as today.
